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can a relationship work with different sex drives..advice please. Question 

kinkyvanilla Offline
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Post: #1
can a relationship work with different sex drives..advice please.

Been with my oh for 6 months now.. when we do have sex it's great .. very vanilla but hey we both orgasm so can't complain.


Over Christmas , I have tried to introduce a bit of kinky to the bedroom. So I bought some massage oils , a massage wand and lubes including anal lube ( hint hint oh)

We have had anal sex and massages .. very nice but still very vanilla.

I have a very high sex drive and want it a lot more than him ..
I have invested in a nice rabbit and other stuff but as of yet cannot orgasm solo Sad

Stayed at his last night and at first he was up for it .. lots of comments like can't wait to get you home and the like. But then we had very dull sex , no foreplay just roll on kinda thing .. 

Then this morning we normally have great morning sex but he got up washed the pots Aaarrgghh.
He then offered me a massage .. so I am like hell yeah bring it on ..
He got me all warmed up and went for a shower.

Got the teasing type so don't think its that.
Think he just has a lower sex drive than me .
We are great in every other way .. can this relationship last?

Tried to talk to him .. ever tried dirty texts to get his motor running.
How would you approach the subject without making him feel bad or me sound like a slut.
03 Jan 2014 15:10
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red-cock Offline
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Post: #2
RE: can a relationship work with different sex drives..advice please.

My reply is a personal one so i will be as truthful as i can....i am now in a sexless marraige apart from some quick hand relief on rare occasions...when we first got together and then married sex was Ok...never great..but were adults..sex isnt everything, right......it has now been missing out of relationship for a long time (not saying how long as ..well frankly ime embarresed) the constant rejection hurts and it has caused other problems and issues with us that seem impossable to resovle now...were stuck in a very deep rut because the problem wasnt addressed at the right time ....i feel that sex is an important part of a relationship..without it your just existing together as freinds.....and in my case friends that annoy the hell out of each other......you have to talk the guy and explain fully your thoughts or i dont think it will last...but like i said this is my opinion based on my own situation....hope it helps and good luck....

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03 Jan 2014 17:41
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PinkLipstick92 Offline
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Post: #3
RE: can a relationship work with different sex drives..advice please.

When I was with my ex it was only ever really "ok" and there would be times when I didn't want it at all, and everytime he brought it up I would feel obligated to do it even though I didn't want to. Which is awful btw.

Is he a shy person outside of the bedroom? Has he had a lot less partners than you? Depression etc?
Lots of things can affect someones's "drive" and some people just have a low sex drive.

Only you can decide if the rest of the relationship is good enough to "put up" with it. I believe relationships can last without sex, but only if you have a very deep connection for the rest of the relationship.

As for talking to him, just say it. It doesn't matter how it's worded, he is still probably going to feel bad and or embarrassed about it. Obviously dont talk about it in bed or if you are horny, always go with a neutral environment Smile

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03 Jan 2014 18:12
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kinkyvanilla Offline
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Post: #4
RE: can a relationship work with different sex drives..advice please.

Thanks guys ..

Red .. I was in a sex less marriage in the past but I was the one not wanting it .. it wasn't a lack of sex drive but a lack of confidance in my body after having children .I have since grown in confidence and love sex and my body. I agree sex is an essential part of a relationship and hope you and your oh can resolve the issues you have xxx

Pink, he isn't shy at all .. in fact I am the shyer one in public situations .. he has had a few partners but I think very vanilla.. he hadn't given a girl a massage before .

I think being a tad older than me he would have seen it done it git the t shirt..
03 Jan 2014 18:57
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PinkLipstick92 Offline
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Post: #5
RE: can a relationship work with different sex drives..advice please.

(03 Jan 2014 18:57)kinkyvanilla Wrote:  Thanks guys ..

Red .. I was in a sex less marriage in the past but I was the one not wanting it .. it wasn't a lack of sex drive but a lack of confidance in my body after having children .I have since grown in confidence and love sex and my body. I agree sex is an essential part of a relationship and hope you and your oh can resolve the issues you have xxx

Pink, he isn't shy at all .. in fact I am the shyer one in public situations .. he has had a few partners but I think very vanilla.. he hadn't given a girl a massage before .

I think being a tad older than me he would have seen it done it git the t shirt..
I've never given a massage either but I am not what would be described as 'nilla Wink

Heart His Little Girl Heart
03 Jan 2014 19:29
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kinkyvanilla Offline
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Post: #6
RE: can a relationship work with different sex drives..advice please.

Hehe .. I am sure you're not pink ;p . just he thinks a massage is a tad kinky hehe .. yikes he hasn't seen my goody stash hehe xxx
(This post was last modified: 03 Jan 2014 19:32 by kinkyvanilla.)
03 Jan 2014 19:31
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PinkLipstick92 Offline
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Post: #7
RE: can a relationship work with different sex drives..advice please.

(03 Jan 2014 19:31)kinkyvanilla Wrote:  Hehe .. I am sure you're not pink ;p . just he thinks a massage is a tad kinky hehe .. yikes he hasn't seen my goody stash hehe xxx
Sounds like you guys need a good talk lol. If that doesn't work, watch pornand use toys / read filthy erotica aloud to each other Wink

Heart His Little Girl Heart
03 Jan 2014 19:34
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kinkyvanilla Offline
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Post: #8
RE: can a relationship work with different sex drives..advice please.

Hehe I will try but think toys porn Tec will scare him lol x
03 Jan 2014 19:37
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PinkLipstick92 Offline
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Post: #9
RE: can a relationship work with different sex drives..advice please.

Aww thats sad Sad what if you went about with a RP scene? Would he be up for that?

Heart His Little Girl Heart
03 Jan 2014 19:39
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Mrs Topper Offline
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Post: #10
RE: can a relationship work with different sex drives..advice please.

Sounds like you have been giving plenty of hints that you want to spice things up, maybe he just needs time to come around to the idea, dont give up, keep talking about it, let him know what you want and how you feel.
03 Jan 2014 23:06
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