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Vanilla Sex with BDSM/Fetish mindset

Mrunknown92 Offline
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Post: #1
Vanilla Sex with BDSM/Fetish mindset

Hello all! This is my first post and whilst I am here to discuss I would say an issue of mine it also intrigues me to see what others are like! So -

Issue - the main route of my problem is I cannot get/maintain an erection with my girlfriend when we go to have sex. She is amazing and gorgeous and understanding but we both aren’t satisfied because of these issues.
I have had bdsm and a foot fetish since I watched porn as a kid from age 11 so in terms of balance between hand, brain and anything sexual it associates with the above. I’ve always had erection issues since I started a sexual active life! It just seems to be an issue I can’t shake and I think it’s because of my “kinks and interests”. Physically I have had check ups and everything is fine.

I love my fetish and bdsm side and I do want to embrace it more and more but I’m not ready with my girlfriend knowing just yet. The thing that frustrates me is I know just because I have these fetishes surely doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the vanilla sex - of course people with foot fetishes etc have normal sex and you hear about it but for some reason my mind/penis will not allow it! Same old results!

I’m looking for those with similar interests to myself to share knowledge of what they like, do they have the “normal sex life”, and what’s a potential fix? Like I said I don’t want to lose my fetishes but for the sake of mine, my partners and our relationship satisfaction and enjoyment I really want a fix to this!

Look forward to finding out more ! Big Grin
30 Oct 2017 21:07
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Voshigirl Offline
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Post: #2
RE: Vanilla Sex with BDSM/Fetish mindset

Hello there, I can't help much myself, but I'm sure someone will be along soon with some ideas. Enjoy UKSF.

Please read my BIO.
30 Oct 2017 21:17
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Mrunknown92 Offline
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Post: #3
RE: Vanilla Sex with BDSM/Fetish mindset

Thank you Voshigirl! I do hope so too! Ha Big Grin
30 Oct 2017 21:28
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Voshigirl Offline
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Post: #4
RE: Vanilla Sex with BDSM/Fetish mindset

Have you discussed it all with her?

Please read my BIO.
30 Oct 2017 21:43
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naughty69 Offline
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Post: #5
RE: Vanilla Sex with BDSM/Fetish mindset

I am struggling with my wife, I get erections no problem. I have morning wood I get horny if I see someone I fancy. But for whatever reason I don't seem to get excited or aroused by my wife anymore. I love her she is very attractive so what is wrong. I suspect this is normal for LTR
(This post was last modified: 30 Oct 2017 22:16 by naughty69.)
30 Oct 2017 22:16
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Wolfman Offline
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Post: #6
RE: Vanilla Sex with BDSM/Fetish mindset

Whilst I'm not in a relationship at the moment, I'm perfectly capable of being in a loving long term vanilla one.

I'm lucky in that I can put my kinky side in a box, in that it doesn't control me.

Sure I'd love to find someone to share the naughty stuff with and I've had some great play partners, but its never lead to anything long term
30 Oct 2017 22:25
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Jb6969 Offline
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Post: #7
RE: Vanilla Sex with BDSM/Fetish mindset

(30 Oct 2017 21:07)Mrunknown92 Wrote:  Hello all! This is my first post and whilst I am here to discuss I would say an issue of mine it also intrigues me to see what others are like! So -

Issue - the main route of my problem is I cannot get/maintain an erection with my girlfriend when we go to have sex. She is amazing and gorgeous and understanding but we both aren’t satisfied because of these issues.
I have had bdsm and a foot fetish since I watched porn as a kid from age 11 so in terms of balance between hand, brain and anything sexual it associates with the above. I’ve always had erection issues since I started a sexual active life! It just seems to be an issue I can’t shake and I think it’s because of my “kinks and interests”. Physically I have had check ups and everything is fine.

I love my fetish and bdsm side and I do want to embrace it more and more but I’m not ready with my girlfriend knowing just yet. The thing that frustrates me is I know just because I have these fetishes surely doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the vanilla sex - of course people with foot fetishes etc have normal sex and you hear about it but for some reason my mind/penis will not allow it! Same old results!

I’m looking for those with similar interests to myself to share knowledge of what they like, do they have the “normal sex life”, and what’s a potential fix? Like I said I don’t want to lose my fetishes but for the sake of mine, my partners and our relationship satisfaction and enjoyment I really want a fix to this!

Look forward to finding out more ! Big Grin

Hi.. I'm no psychiatrist but I'd imagine that given there's no physical issue tits likely stems from the early exposure to porn, desensitization of sexual acts for you leading to bring more and more extreme versions (think of it like drugs), and anxiety creeping in to the mind as your nite expecting to have problems. Is say a good start would be looking at those.

When you look at bdsm /foot fetish porn do you have erection problems?

In the meantime, have you tried things like viagra which would chemically induce and maintain an erection? If nothing else it'll give you both a good night. Smile
30 Oct 2017 22:51
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Diamond123 Offline
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Post: #8
RE: Vanilla Sex with BDSM/Fetish mindset

Welcome to the forum. I think JB made some good suggestions there

If you don't try it how do you know you don't like it?
31 Oct 2017 05:59
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Mrunknown92 Offline
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Post: #9
RE: Vanilla Sex with BDSM/Fetish mindset

I have discussed the erection issues etc with her and it was her that encouraged me to go docs for physical etc and maybe see if that was issue. But I haven’t discussed my fetishes with her. From the outside anyone would probably single that out and go well there is your fix but let me said below I should be able to put my kink into a box and enjoy vanilla sex!
31 Oct 2017 08:35
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Christian Offline
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Post: #10
RE: Vanilla Sex with BDSM/Fetish mindset

Hi!
This is not physical issue but psychologichal. I would strongly recommend to go to psychologist. Gp can refer You for one.

Veni, Vidi, Vici
01 Nov 2017 16:44
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