Table Time for avoiding conflict between Dom and sub

Table Time

I was introduced to Table Time by my Sir, Mr M, the Caretaker. He was taught this process during His five year mentoring period from an experienced Dominant 25 years ago.

Initially, when I was introduced to this concept by Him, I was sceptical and somewhat critical that this simple suggestion would be effective with a D/s relationship or indeed any relationship.

I will do my best to explain this concept as He explained it to me:

Table Time is when a sub needs to talk to her Dom without protocol and subject to any rules of address that may be in place. She may disagree with something that her Sir has said or asked her to do. She may want to get her point across without fear of showing disrespect. It is usually the sub that will request Table Time, however, if her Dom identifies that she is too chaotic or emotional, He may offer the opportunity for Table Time.

During Table Time the sub can say what she feels is necessary to get her point across, all protocols are suspended for this time. She may shout, scream, swear and allow her emotions to flow freely. Her Dom will sit and listen to what she has to say without interrupting and when she has finished He may ask questions to gain further understanding. Once He is satisfied that everything is out in the open He will invite her to discuss a way forward together. Once a resolution has been agreed they will hold each other and she will thank Him for listening. He will then call an end to Table Time and normal protocol will be resumed.

Using Table Time has many benefits and every time we have engaged in this process, issues have been resolved without conflict and never to be brought up again unnecessarily in the future. I find it particularly helpful to know that the issue has been resolved without further continuation of discussion/disagreement.

Not using Table Time, in my opinion, can result in continued disagreement or resentment from the sub that she feels that she has not been allowed to express her feelings openly. If Table Time has not been requested the sub should still be following protocol that she had previously agreed to with her Dom, yet the very nature of letting off steam does not allow that to happen. The sub will have shown a level of disrespect to her Dom perhaps resulting in further consequences or punishment. There is also no definite end to the problem which means that the conflict can continue over days perhaps never getting resolved. This does not make for a happy relationship between a Dom and His sub and could even cause the relationship to end.

I want to be clear that I’m allowed to voice my opinions and engage in debate at any time in our relationship. Table Time is a concept that is used for more serious issues that clearly requires immediate resolution.

So, for me, using Table Time to sort out problems results in a calmness and sense of reassurance. Not using Table Time results in unnecessary chaos in my mind.
By no means is this a simple process to adopt initially in your relationship. It takes effort from the Dominant to listen without interruption once Table Time has been agreed and also for the sub to request Table Time appropriately and remember not to act out outside of that request. This took time for me and now it is an integral part of our relationship.

I am grateful to my Sir for all He had taught me but this in particular I have found to be a very useful tool within our wonderful relationship.

Interesting to see how your dynamic works.

I don't want any new submissives joining to be freaked out though, there is no true way to form this style of relationship and a 24/7 high protocol D/s arrangement is something you need to know a lot about before stepping into it. Personally I don't like high protocol either as dominant or submissive, I have a much more relaxed style.

Here endeth the lesson, all interesting but an awful lot to take in, I'm not a true sub, so it doesn't apply to us. If it works for you, that's okay but its not the only way.

That's fair enough and is why I put "so, for me". Submission for me is not just sex, it's a lifestyle. Saying that I have the utmost respect for anyone's kink. And the most friendliest and kindest people I have met are those that have a kink because they tend to respect everyone.

We have lots of kink, least I do!

Mr BH and I used to have dd night (domestic discipline) one week I would sit down and explain what he had done to upset me or that had bothered me in some way. Then I would set a menial task for him to remind him and hopefully to remember and learn from what had upset me and the next week roles would be reversed.
Mr BH was a Dom with almost 30 years experience when I met him and it was only meeting me he was able to express a desire to explore his sub side?
2 subs together can be interesting lol, he says he can't be my Dom because he loves and respects me too much,,, but I guess that's the thing- there are different levels of Dominance and submission in all walks of life and what works for some - won't for others? Everyone is unique and that is what makes us individually interesting as human beings?

xx

This is very interesting.
We had similar system with one of sub and with whom I am now a good friend.
We started during the end of our D/s relationship and it was mostly due to the fact that I had expressed my interest in training a new sub.
We called it 'time off' and we agreed that it should be only in semi-public places (her idea).
It resolved lots of things for us but I think it was somewhat more spontaneous than the table time you are describing.