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I found out my boyfriend used a fleshlight

alishaj99 Offline
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I found out my boyfriend used a fleshlight

A few days ago I found out my boyfriend of 2 years used a fleshlight. He tried to lie about it but eventually admitted it. I know I can't be angry at him for using it as there's nothing wrong with that. However, I am extremely turned off by this and don't know how to get over it. 

Thoughts? ConfusedConfused
23 Sep 2016 16:06
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Hovis Offline
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RE: I found out my boyfriend used a fleshlight

Are you turned off by the object or the lies. If its the object ask to see it, join in with the use of it. The lies are a bigger problem. Trust is much harder to fix

Time to leap to http://www.uksf2.co.uk
(This post was last modified: 23 Sep 2016 16:13 by Hovis.)
23 Sep 2016 16:12
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alishaj99 Offline
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RE: I found out my boyfriend used a fleshlight

(23 Sep 2016 16:12)Hovis Wrote:  Are you turned off by the object or the lies.  If its the object  ask to see it, join in with the use of it. The lies are a bigger problem. Trust is much harder to fix
Our relationship has many other issues going on (hence the lies) but on this occasion I am speaking purely about the object. The actual idea of him using it really turns me off.
23 Sep 2016 16:20
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BazUK59 Offline
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RE: I found out my boyfriend used a fleshlight

(23 Sep 2016 16:20)alishaj99 Wrote:  
(23 Sep 2016 16:12)Hovis Wrote:  Are you turned off by the object or the lies.  If its the object  ask to see it, join in with the use of it. The lies are a bigger problem. Trust is much harder to fix
Our relationship has many other issues going on (hence the lies) but on this occasion I am speaking purely about the object. The actual idea of him using it really turns me off.
Putting the lie issue aside, (which is a whole different issue, I agree) and I seek to understand, and offer a constructive response.
Can I ask you to put your self in his position... What about you using a dildo or vibrator? Is this not the exact equivalent? Would he react the same? Personally I am thrilled to know when my wife uses hers, and all the flesh light is, is a hand substitute. Guys masturbate all the time, no surprise there... what about your bra, knickers, a mellon, the vacuum, porn? They are tools, some or most guys use. Would you have been happier with any of these?

Celebrate the fact that it was not a real pussy, but the fleshlight I bet, he saw in his mind and imagination as yours....

Hope that helped give food for thought

Barry
 

What I see in the mirror is not what I feel inside....
23 Sep 2016 17:05
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alishaj99 Offline
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RE: I found out my boyfriend used a fleshlight

(23 Sep 2016 17:05)BazUK59 Wrote:  
(23 Sep 2016 16:20)alishaj99 Wrote:  
(23 Sep 2016 16:12)Hovis Wrote:  Are you turned off by the object or the lies.  If its the object  ask to see it, join in with the use of it. The lies are a bigger problem. Trust is much harder to fix
Our relationship has many other issues going on (hence the lies) but on this occasion I am speaking purely about the object. The actual idea of him using it really turns me off.
Putting the lie issue aside, (which is a whole different issue, I agree) and I seek to understand, and offer a constructive response.
Can I ask you to put your self in his position... What about you using a dildo or vibrator? Is this not the exact equivalent? Would he react the same? Personally I am thrilled to know when my wife uses hers, and all the flesh light is, is a hand substitute. Guys masturbate all the time, no surprise there... what about your bra, knickers, a mellon, the vacuum, porn? They are tools, some or most guys use. Would you have been happier with any of these?

Celebrate the fact that it was not a real pussy, but the fleshlight I bet, he saw in his mind and imagination as yours....

Hope that helped give food for thought

Barry
 
I agree that there is nothing wrong with him using it and I do not believe he has done anything wrong. I personally do not use a dildo/vibrator and rarely masturbate so maybe that has something to do with my discomfort. 

I just find the idea of him using a fleshlight to be a huge turn off. It makes me feel deeply uncomfortable (perhaps because it was made in the shape of a realistic vagina). I know that this is entirely my issue and is not his fault at all but that does not change the way it makes me feel.
23 Sep 2016 17:15
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Diamond123 Offline
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RE: I found out my boyfriend used a fleshlight

You really can't help how you feel. Thete are men who are uncomfortable with women.using sex toys as well.

If you can talk to him about it then if he is understanding he will stop. If you can't talk about it then again that's a whole different issue

If you don't try it how do you know you don't like it?
23 Sep 2016 17:29
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alishaj99 Offline
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RE: I found out my boyfriend used a fleshlight

(23 Sep 2016 17:29)Diamond123 Wrote:  You really can't help how you feel. Thete are men who are uncomfortable with women.using sex toys as well.

If you can talk to him about it then if he is understanding he will stop. If you can't talk about it then again that's a whole different issue

Thank you for your empathy! I don't think I have an issue with sex toys in general, my issue may be this toy in particular. There is something about it being in the shape of a realistic vagina that doesn't agree with me. Also, the shock of finding it probably made things worse. I will definitely speak to him about it once I have sorted it out in my own mind.
23 Sep 2016 17:34
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Hovis Offline
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RE: I found out my boyfriend used a fleshlight

At the right time tell him how it makes you feel. if I were him I would get rid of it.

Time to leap to http://www.uksf2.co.uk
23 Sep 2016 17:40
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Diamond123 Offline
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RE: I found out my boyfriend used a fleshlight

That's good but don't be too hard on him. As noted men masturbate a lot and he probably didn't realise you would find it offputting. Just say how it makes you feel and ask him not to use it.

Welcome to the board by the way. I think you've come to the right place to discuss this

If you don't try it how do you know you don't like it?
(This post was last modified: 23 Sep 2016 17:43 by Diamond123.)
23 Sep 2016 17:43
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chidds01234 Offline
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RE: I found out my boyfriend used a fleshlight

(23 Sep 2016 16:06)alishaj99 Wrote:  A few days ago I found out my boyfriend of 2 years used a fleshlight. He tried to lie about it but eventually admitted it. I know I can't be angry at him for using it as there's nothing wrong with that. However, I am extremely turned off by this and don't know how to get over it. 

Thoughts? ConfusedConfused

Surely it is better he uses a fleshlight than turning to another woman for more satisfaction?  

Michael, Mature Male Mobile Masseur for Ladies
24 Sep 2016 15:57
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